A View Of The TEM, Future Sexasaurus

My ad on that online dating site I told you about isn't really garnering any responses, so I'm considering rewriting the profile. What exactly does one say in less than 1,500 characters to attract the attention of a future Mr. Right?

I was at a loss until I happened to find inspiration in the "Pop Candy" blog Whitney Matheson writes for USA Today. She pointed out a post on the MTV News website that discussed R. Kelly's appearance at Radio City Music Hall on Tuesday. This modern day romantic premiered a new song from his upcoming album, "Makin' Babies," which contains the touching, inspirational words I've been searching for:

It's like 'Jurassic Park,' but I'm your sexasaurus

You and me, hopping like two kangaroos

You got me locked in your cage of ecstasy, and I don't want to be free

I'm your Tarzan, and you're my Jane

They don't write 'em like that anymore. All I have to do is massage a pronoun or two, and the men will be beating a path to my door with baited breath.

Thank you, R. Kelly. You're a musical genius.

More to come later.