Wednesday, April 08, 2009

A View of the TEM Knocked Up

Hilary Price has a way with words and pictures - check out her strip, "Rhymes With Orange"
Where there's sex, there's bound to be pregnancy. The two are inextricably linked -the way nature intended.
I've talked about my decision not to have children here on VFTT before. I'm still happily childless - much to my mother's chagrin. I'm still defending my choice to those who either don't know me or are convinced that I'd change my mind once I birthed a mini-me. I take it in stride now, but I've often wondered how other women who have chosen to remain childless cope. Recently, I came across an article about a woman and her husband who have chosen not to have children. It struck a chord with me, and I found the comments quite fascinating. Check it out for yourself, whether or not you have kids. It's thought provoking.
Still, the need to procreate is strong. Mankind wouldn't exist if that need wasn't hardwired into us, and I admire most of those who want to be parents. Some, however, might take that need too far. Take, for example, Marissa Evans. Her son Nikolas died this weekend from injuries sustained in a fall outside of an Austin bar after being punched duing a bar fight late last month, but she didn't want to lose his potential grandchildren. She requested an emergency hearing in Travis County Probate Court to harvest her dead son's sperm in the hopes of creating the three boys he someday hoped to have. Judge Guy Herman ruled in her favor, ordering his body to be kept at the proper temperature to support harvesting of sperm within 24 hours of his removal from life support. Other organs and tissues will also be harvested for donation. There was no mention of a potential mother for these children in the article, nor have there been any arrests made in his assault. A bioethicist also noted that Texas state law is "unclear" as it relates to sperm donations. Despite these concerns and possible ethical issues, my heart breaks for his mother. "I want him to live on," she was quoted as saying. "I want to keep a piece of him."
The possibility of outliving a child I helped create is a horror I can't begin to imagine. It's still difficult for my mom to talk about my sister who died when she was a baby. Just as the need to procreate is hardwired into us, so is the need for the parent to nurture their children and protect them from harm. Julie Halpert wrote about the conflict between wanting to protect a child from hurt and the need to allow a child to grow into a thriving, independent adult in a recent Newsweek article. She chronicled her daughter Alyson's search for a college where she could be herself - and she learned to accept that her daughter was a lesbian at the same time. The entire process helped them both grow and become better people in the process.
"I think I'm going to end up being happy," Alyson says at the end of the article. Her mother agreed. They were happy with her choice of school. Mom was happy with her choice to accept her daughter as she was, not as she wanted her to be. Daughter was happy to find a place where she could thrive and that she still had her mother's love. That's how it should be. Love and and parenthood should be inextricably linked. Just like peace of mind and one's life choices - like the choice to have or not have children.
More later, because it's all about being happy.

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Anonymous Blogs Browser said...

You seem like your mind is made up. I'm glad for you. I say that I dont wish to be a father right now but that might change because of carelessnes and that sh!t happens to rubber sometimes. I am almost hitting 30 and still not a daddy :)

5:00 PM  
Blogger TEM said...

Mind's been made up since I was about 20. I'm 42 now, and still haven't felt that biological clock. It's all about planning and care. Make sure your girl's on the same page with the family planning too. I've seen and heard too many stories about women who wanted surprising men who didn't. And vice versa.

5:20 PM  
Blogger The Old Man said...

You are fortunate. Me, I'm 50, no way to have any. I'm a hunk of dead meat, and it's the way it is. There's no hope. I couldn't even adopt, thanks to the F***ing state. But that's my life. Pure S**t, and controlled by the state.

8:45 PM  
Blogger TEM said...

It doesn't have to be controlled by the state, you know. If you see a wrong, do what you can to fight it. Speak up. Encourage others who don't want to be controlled, who want to adopt, who want to show the bigoted the error of their ways, to speak up and fight. If you don't then you truly are a hunk of dead meat. I'm sure if you try, you can make even a little bit of difference.

Thanks for reading. Keep your head up and stay strong.

12:40 PM  
Blogger The Old Man said...

Yes, outliving a child can be rough, I suppose. It happened more than once in my family. But some of them are extreme -- if you can believe my definition of Extreme!

In my family is a section which contains the Bowler family. Victoria Bowler (later LAW)Had a child, and outlived her by about 8 months. Now, now -- wait for the strange part!

Helen Law died in 1972, I believe it was February, or Maybe March. You can check it out on the Social Security Death Index. Victoria Law (A distant cousin) died in November of the same year.

So, what's unusual? Victoria was born in 1863. NO JOKE! Her daughter Helen lived to be 80!

Just a strange example of how life can be just. And yet, unjust at the same time.

Cousin Vic lived from Sept. 1863 to November 1972.

The men in my family don't usually live past 75. The women -- well, that's another side of life. And it's strange to outlive your spouse by 30 years...even more so by 60!

3:33 PM  

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