Friday, March 27, 2009

A View of the Ten - D'oh! Stories



It's amazing how many ways people find to be unspeakably stupid or completely insufferable. I came across these ten examples - posted in no particular order - as I surfed the web this week and thought I'd share them. Here's hoping they either make you smarter, make you laugh, or make you forget that I'm blowing off a blog entry with ten random posts. If I'm lucky, they'll do all of the above.

1) The NCAA is looking out for those of us who are flat broke but still want a good entertainment bargain. For the first time in the history of the men's tournament, they've authorized the sale of individual suite seats for the Final Four. One ticket, including snacks, is $1,495. Where's my checkbook?

2) As long as I'm shopping, I should prepare for the day I walk down that aisle for the third time. Once I meet Mr. Third Time's the Charm, I'm going to leave this story on his pillowcase about a $2,600 proposal cake. It's covered in 24k gold leaves and 15 African diamonds. As one of the commenters to this post said, buy me Duncan Hines and give me the $2,600 cash.

3) You'd have to be high to blow that kind of dough on some dough, so I should look into dating Method Man. Then again, he was so high he forgot to pay his income taxes. And his Lincoln Navigator was repossessed. The idea of him telling me, "Baby I'm smokin' your engagement ring," lets me know I'm much better off single.


4) At least Method Man has a fondness for illegal substances to blame for his behavior. Kanye West, excuse me, I mean Martin Louis the King is just a blithering idiot on general principle. But he's a blithering idiot willing to share his idiocy with us to take our minds off the fact that he could pop for that $1,500 Final Four suite ticket. He'd need to buy two - one for him and one for his out of control ego.


5) Remember when Kanye, Martin, whatever the hell was on "American Idol" a while back? His performance was described as being quite underwhelming - kind of fitting for an underwhelming show. The ratings are beginning to slip, so the show's producers are getting desperate. They've decided to add a "judges save" to the elimination show. This means that once the person who's been eilminated is announced, they are ordered by the judges to sing again and they'll decide whether or not to keep that person. This means a performer faces two rejections in less than five minutes. How come cruelty is considered entertainment in this culture?


6) Speaking of cruel, I can't think of anything more cruel than being unnecessarily denied the chance to say goodbye to someone you love. This happened in Plano, Texas to Ryan Moats on Thursday. He was racing to his mother-in-law's bedside as she lay dying at Baylor Regional Medical Center when he had the misfortune of rolling through a red light in front of Officer Robert Powell. After a twenty minute traffic stop in the hospital parking lot - a stop that included a drawn gun, and comments like "I can screw you over," he let Moats go. It was too late - he got to her bedside mintues after she died. The Dallas Police has issued an apology to Moats and his family and are "investigating" the matter, but nothing can be done to make up for that sort of loss.


7) Officer Powell's actions seemed to indicate that he gets off on the power to control others. To paraphrase a quote from one of my favorite movies, he got all officious and that's the curse of a government job. Trying to control others because of an internal God complex is not cool. Imposing one's beliefs on others is another example of that, as you'll see in this story about people up in arms because opening day for the Detroit Tigers falls on Good Friday. If your religious beliefs trump your desire to see a baseball game, then go to church - and don't judge others who feel otherwise. Getting all officious can also be the curse of religious self righteousness.

8) Speaking of religious self righteousness, folks at Notre Dame are getting their Fighting Irish up over an invitation extended to President Obama to speak at this year's graduation - keeping with the tradition of inviting new presidents to commencement ceremonies. The problem? Alumni are offended because of Obama's recent action to change stem cell research rules, support of international family planning, and his pro-choice beliefs. The majority of the students, even those who don't agree with his stance on these issues, are supportive of the invite and look forward to hearing him. Others are calling the invite " a public act of disobedience." Really? This made me think of a line from one of my favorite rap songs. Notre Dame alumni, you believe God is the one true judge. Chill, listen to him speak, and let your father do his job. I'm sure there's no sin in words of expression and encouragement from the POTUS.

9) Another line in the song I referenced above says you only live once and you're never coming back. Unless you're a cat - they get nine lives, you know. I'm not sure about dogs, but some say that dogs are heavenly because dog spelled backwards is god. Those fuzzy little companions may be like little angels to you, but a recent study points out that they also possess a bit of the devil in them too. Did you know that pets are responsible for 86,000 falls a year? "There are many benefits to pet ownership. But they can also be a hazard," said one of the authors of a study by the CDC. About 3 in every 10,000 pet owners suffer fall related injuries caused by Fido or Mr. Mittens. This can be especially hazardous to elderly women - the injury rate was higher for senior citizens, and women were twice as likely to be hurt as men. Great. Not only am I the Crazy Cat Lady, but now I have to worry about them going all Talky Tina on me if I skimp on the Friskies.

10) That gets me back to dating again. It would be nice to have someone special in my life, so I guess that means I'm going to have to get in the game. Still, the idea of dating drains me. The small talk, the getting to know you phase, the awkward chemistry - it can take a toll. If you've read my blog, you know I've had some bad dating and relationship experiences. None of them, however, have been as bad as this story I read a couple of days ago. It's enough to make me want to embrace my Crazy Cat Ladyness and stay inside. Even if it means being taken out by the Fuzzy Bunch.

More later, once I think of something else to write. If you have some dating tips for me, let me know.

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