Thursday, February 19, 2009

A View of a Potty Blog

It's all about the precious bodily fluids today because that's all I've been seeing on the news and reading about in the news. When you've gotta go there, you've gotta go. Let's not hold back on it much longer, shall we?

It all started this morning when, while I was in the bathroom coincidentally, I heard a story on the news about something the reporter said, "...will boldly let ladies go in way they've never gone before." I put down my makeup brush to take a peek at what they were talking about, and was treated to the "Go-Girl." Originally designed for women with hip or knee replacements who have trouble sitting or kneeling, the "small pink canister" is now being marketed to women who are (and this is a direct quote) "on-the-go" with no time to "waste in the bathroom." The newscasters suggested using the product in places like not so clean public restrooms or the Port-A-Potty at outdoor events. The weatherman noted that it was "basically a funnel" then asked where one would store it when done taking care of business. The reporter delivering the story looked caught off guard. "That might be a flaw with it," she said, but noted that the creator of the product encourages all women to "have fun" using the product and that it's only $4.99. That was enough to drive me back to my bathroom. Here's a link to a story about it recommending it as a "romantic" post-Valentine's Day gift.

Lotto - Venus and Cupid, 1540, Oil on canvas, Metropolitan Museum of Art

That Valentine's Day line made me think of this painting by Lotto. This painting would've been completely different had Cupid, or Lotto for that matter, had access to a device like the Go-Girl (Go-Cherub?). In this piece, Cupid's bestowing a blessing of fertility on Venus, not because he's a fan of R. Kelly. His public urination is a good and happy thing. It doesn't always work out that way.

"Peeing on the side of a building isn't going to make someone that mad." David Short, the owner of an auto parts shop on Detroit's east side is quoted as saying that in reaction to a shooting behind his building. Well, actually it did make someone that mad. (And I'm going to pass on the obvious joke here.) The victim was shot because he relieved himself on wall of that building. The alleged shooter is Leroy Moon, a 69-year-old fish shop proprietor. The victim was Shawn Johnson, a 36-year old janitor for Detroit Public Schools. He got a flat tire on the way home from work, got pulled over by the police for driving infractions (including driving without a valid license) which led to his car being towed, and was just trying to make it home when he had to go. He was shot dead in front of his wife. Who knows why Mr. Moon went too far over Mr. Johnson's going one step too far. Public urination is inappropriate, but so is shooting a man to death over it. People in the neighborhood that Mr. Moon was known for his willingness to help out those in need. Mr. Short, told reporters about how Mr. Moon, a Detroit resident, would give food to the hungry. "The man would give anybody the shirt off his back," he said.

Had his fish shop been in Toledo, maybe he could've given that shirt off his back to Shykea Boykin. She needed it after escaping from being held captive in the apartment of Troy Brisport. According to news reports, he picked up Ms. Boykin, a homeless woman, off a Detroit street and offered to let her stay the night at his place. He then handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her, undressed her, put her in an adult diaper and held her captive for three days. While he gave her little to eat or drink, and did not try to sexually assault her, he did read Bible verses to her - when he wasn't trying to choke her. Somehow, she managed to escape, banging on neighboring apartment doors pleading for help. The Toledo Police called the case a "mixed bag." "Maybe it was a saving her kind of thing," said Capt. Ray Carroll. "We don't know what the diapers are about."

Maybe he couldn't find a Go-Girl. Judging by his actions, it's clear he was able to find a copy of "Black Snake Moan." Have you seen that movie? Talk about something that you'd find in the water closet.

More later because now I can't help but wonder what Jack Paar would make of all this.



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