Wednesday, May 17, 2006

A View Of Who Won't Be The TEM's Baby Daddy

I thought it was time to give you an update on Mr. DVD.

Remember him? He was the guy who, after we met and made some small talk, turned out to be a friend of one of my ex-boyfriends. I asked for advice on whether or not to see if this was something worth pursuing and, after much consideration, I decided to give him a shot and give him a call to learn more about him.

After a couple of conversations, here's what I found out:

1. He was offered a different position at the arts center, but the offer was rescinded after a background check revealed some "police stuff." I didn't ask what.

2. He once threw his cat out his apartment window because she "was horny and wouldn't stop howling." He lived on the third floor. As soon as he did it, he went looking for the cat because he was sorry about what he did. The cat didn't come around for a few days, but she eventually came back. When she did, he sat down and apologized to her for his behavior. When I asked why he didn't get the cat spayed, he said that he "was trying to decide whether or not he wanted her to have babies." He later gave the cat and the one kitten she gave birth to away.

3. He currently has a dog - a rottweiler who had not been trained or been around children (or other people besides the dog's previous owner for that matter). He immediately took the dog around his children (both were toddlers) without knowing her temperament. He then talked about how, in an attempt to train her, he body slammed her to the ground three separate times "like the Hulk did in that movie." One of the times was when she was confronted by a vicious dog in the neighborhood who came into their yard and, in an attempt to defend him from the intruder, accidentally bit him instead. That time, he not only slammed the dog to the ground, he then threw her at the attacking dog (the attacking dog was so stunned, he ran away), and would not feed her for two days. Later, he sat down and apologized to the dog for his behavior. He still has the dog.

4. His current cell phone is not working properly. It echoes, clicks, and frequently drops calls. He says he'd like to switch to a new carrier or get a replacement, but his "credit problems" prevent him from doing so right now. In an earlier conversation, he mentioned how he wanted to get rid of his Cadillac and Lincoln because they were constantly in need of repair and replace it with a new Charger. I wanted to ask how, if his credit wasn't good enough to get him a cell phone, he was going to manage this purchase, but my head hurt too much to go down that road.

So to recap, he's a friend of my ex, has some "police stuff" in his past, has a tendency to fling cats from high places (a fact I'm sure the Fuzzy Bunch would not appreciate), body slam dogs that act on instinct, expose his children to untrained dogs of unknown temperament, and has credit problems that prevent him from getting a cell phone contract. On the other hand, he knows how to apologize to an animal after an abusive episode and has enough moxie to dream of getting an expensive car despite shaky financial circumstances.

Sigh. Next.

More to come later.


Blogger Lex Fori said...

I'm still pulling for Mr. DVD and his chance.

Boyfriend interviewed with Wal-Mart a few weeks back. Won the interview, passed the drugtest. Then, they did a background check. He was refused the position because he had 2 (non-violent; not involving any fraud, theft, etc) MISDEMEANORS... that were over TEN years old. Stupid. So, I don't know how much stock you can put in that. Same for the credit stuff. My credit is shit - but I'm college educated, have a law degree, arguably some sort of future. It's easy for credit to get screwed. A few hospital visits that you can't pay immediately and BAM - it's all over. But the whole car-replacement thing makes me wonder if the cell phone issue might not be about credit, but rather some secondary communication source he is relying on, and might be hiding from someone else (possible existing girlfriend alert). If that were the case, he couldn't just go out and buy a new phone b/c other girl would see it on bank statements, bills, etc. Maybe the old phone is something someone doesn't know about.

Cats suck. I dislike cats, so I have trouble doing anything but laugh when one gets tossed.

I find the dog thing the most troublesome. It's totally irresponsible to have a Rotweiler and not train it appropriately.

But he does apologize to animals. That's kinda cute.

Here's my question... If he was reporting to his friends about *bad stuff* he gathered from your conversations -- what things do you think he would list? We need some comparison material here...

11:54 AM  
Blogger TEM said...

Stop pulling. He's done.

The thing that disturbed me the most was not each thing separately, it was one thing on top of another. The "police thing" could be anything. I was willing to let that pass until another conversation because it could've been anything from a traffic ticket or some other dumb crap from when he was a kid. The credit thing I was also willing to let pass. Truth be told, my credit could be a lot better than it is, and it's not like I'm looking to marry the guy.

The animal stories is what brought things to a close. Flinging a cat out of a three story window? Inexcusable , though I've been tempted to fling my cats in the middle of the night when they feel the need to sit on my head.) That's flat out abuse. Body slamming a dog and depriving it of food? Inexcusable. Taking a dog of unknown temperament around a toddler? Inexcusable. What would've happened if the dog had bit the child? What would he do to a person if he (or, from my point of view, I) did something to anger him? From my experience, abusing an animal is just a step away from abusing a person and it shows a lack of anger management.

If he were talking to his friends about my bad stuff, the first thing that probably would come up is the fact that I was his friend's "other girl." Stupid on my part, but my actions were stupid. Next would be the fact that I don't have an interest in slasher flicks which, I discovered through our conversations he seems to love. No biggie on the choice of entertainment - people like what they like - but after hearing about the cat flinging and dog slamming, it didn't make me any more comfortable. Then, it would probably be the fact that I'm almost 40 and have no kids. He kept harping on that ("...really? How did that happen?"), as though careful family planning was a foreign concept to him.

Finally, I imagine it would be the fact that I can be judgmental when I'm presented with information that makes me uncomfortable.

There's not much else in my past to compare. I married a guy who turned out to be a disaster (compulsive liar and a thing for kiddie porn - but I didn't tell him about that), lived with his friend for a few years (he said he'd changed - turns out he hadn't), I have a history of depression (though I didn't tell him that and he doesn't know about this blog) and I have a tendency to spend more than I should. That's it. No misspent youth, no prison time, no kids. Not much to see here.

He may be a great guy, but my gut instinct is yelling at me to tip my hat and slowly walk away with my unflung cats in tow.

I may be calling this one wrong, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Stay tuned and thanks for the advice.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Bygbaby said...

From what I see, he is a bad boy & if that is your thing then go for it.

Caution: who knows what he might throw next, could be you.

I was OK with the possible criminal past thing, but when I saw that he tossed the cat out of a 3rd story window, I was thinking that homeboy has some serious self control issues.

If he tries to go there, I may have to cut him.

Bygbaby aKa WDET buddy

3:17 AM  
Blogger TEM said...

Bygbaby! Good to hear from you.

The idea of him throwing a cat out of a 3rd story window and body slamming a dog (one that was about to be attacked at that) scared the hell out of me because of the lack of self control and because I have cats. The apologizing afterwards, while funny to picture, was chilling because all I could picture was him hitting/throwing/body slamming a person (child? woman? guy who looked at him funny?), then apologizing for it later.

The realist in me realized that I could be on the other end of that ass whipping. I'm not up for sticking around to see how long does it take before cat flinging escalates to a backhand slap across the mouth. TEM cannot be the subject of a Lifetime movie, know what I mean?

Keep stopping by. I've got to add your site to my must read list.

10:15 AM  

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